It is often a painful reality when those we grew up with, studied with, or laboured alongside no longer relate to us as before once God lifts them to higher offices and responsibilities.
What once felt like a bond of friendship or family now seems replaced with distance, delayed responses, and less time together. Many interpret this as pride, arrogance, or deliberate neglect. Yet, more often than not, it is not pride but the weight of responsibility that has reshaped their daily lives” – “To whom much is given, from him much will be required”_ (Luke 12:48).
High office brings demands that are rarely visible to those outside it. Decisions that affect hundreds, sometimes thousands, of lives press heavily on such men and women. Their schedules are filled with endless meetings, travel, correspondence, and burdens that leave little room for casual conversations. Family, friends, and colleagues must therefore learn to adjust their expectations, recognising that leadership changes not the heart of a person but the demands upon their time.
I have personally tried to maintain relationships and communication as much as possible, even though my workload is well known to many. Yet, there are still those who take offence because I cannot relate with them as before. How unkind this is to me. I remain grateful for those who understand my burdens and, instead of offence, send encouragements and prayers. As responsibilities increase, and with the passing of age, what one could do as a younger person he cannot sustain forever. It is the living who live to relate and communicate, and living must come before relationship and communication. One should not destroy his life in a desperate attempt to please others.
We must also recognise that leadership often isolates. A man in a top office may face criticism from every side, pressure to perform, and temptations that threaten his integrity. The very people he longs to relax with may unknowingly add to his burden when they demand the same attention as before. As Ecclesiastes 1:18 observes, _“For in much wisdom is much grief, and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow.”_ Compassion, rather than offence, is the appropriate response.
Another truth is that I have always accepted such distance from those I considered busy. There are men and women in top offices with whom I had close contact before they were promoted. Since then, I have not bothered them, except once in a long while to send a message of encouragement and prayers. I have learned to be gracious towards their reality. It is my prayer that others will also learn this wisdom, that rather than being offended, they will show grace and kindness to their friends and family who carry heavier loads than before.
Furthermore, those lifted into higher positions must often re-order their priorities. Where once they could attend every gathering or respond to every call, they must now steward their energy and time for matters of greater consequence. This is not rejection but stewardship. True friends and family will understand that what seems like distance may, in fact, be obedience to God’s calling. When we support such leaders with prayers, as Aaron and Hur lifted Moses’ hands when he grew weary (Exodus 17:12), we participate in their victory.
In all, when friends become leaders, our response must not be offence but understanding. Their hearts may still be warm towards us, but their responsibilities demand a different rhythm. Family, friends, and colleagues must mature enough to accept that distance is not disdain, busyness is not pride, and silence is not rejection. Instead of complaining, let us pray for them, encourage them, and give them the gift of space. In doing so, we honour both God’s promotion and the person He has chosen, trusting that true friendship and love are never erased by office, only refined by responsibility.
We are not alone.
God is with us.
Gershinen Paul Dajur
Sunday, 17 August 2025
